08/11/2005: "Critical, Critical, Critical"

music: Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head . . . .
mood: I know it's over

I don't know what I've become. For now I'll let the obituaries say what they want. That I unraveled quickly. That I caved in on myself. That in the thick of my own confusion, I chose darkness. My friends and family may have to intervene. But I am going to stick with my convictions. For once I will stand by my words. My defenses are ready. I am bracing myself. Here goes:

Terry Huynh's Official #1 Single of 2005 is Gwen Stefani's "Cool."

I know what you're thinking. I'm a 14-year old girl. What's next? Shopping at Urban Outfitters? An 818 area code? Strip me of my scene points. Take whatever indie cred I have. Is the Los Feliz/Silverlake residency just a front? Start encrypting.

But there is no denying the brilliance of this pop gem. It takes me back to the first time I heard Madonna's "Borderline," Pulp's "Common People," and more recently Beyonce's "Crazy in Love." I never liked No Doubt, and thought that Gwen did better on the guest spot (Moby's "Southside," Eve's "Let Me Blow Your Mind"). "Hollaback Girl" had potential. But "Cool" - the song does it for me.

Maybe it's the optimism of the song I long for, the need for reconciliation. Gwen Stefani: I want to relate. I know psychologists would say that it's unhealthy to relate your life to the life of a celebrity. It just feels too real to deny.

And have you seen the video? Possibly my new favorite video, beating out Madonna's "Take a Bow." Directed by Sophie Muller (who did the excellent video for the Jesus and Mary Chain's "Sometimes Always"). The "Cool" video is lush with its soft focus and Mediterranean romanticism, but is bittersweet with it's honesty regarding lost love. Gwen as a brunette? Still sexy.

I could go on and on about this. As if this rant wasn't enough, I'll end with some words from my younger brother, better known as "Kill Frank" on myspace. Supposedly he was going through the same social anxieties I am going though about a year ago. Below is a blog entry posted on his myspace page. Some background info: My brother works for a major insurance company in Harrisburg, PA. He lives at home with our parents and spends most of his free time hanging out with his stoner friends. What he really wants to do is be a drummer for a band. He is one year younger than I am.

Friday, November 05, 2004
cool new people
Current mood: yar! im at work

Today at work I wore a black suit and tie; and people kept telling me how cool I look...which got me thinking...a lot people tell me Im a cool motherfucker, not just at work but at social outings, bar mitzvahs, etc...that got me thinking about myspace's "cool new people"... how do i get to be one of those "cool new people" that show up on your screen when you sign on??? is it that I am not "new" anymore, that my account is several weeks old?, has it been months? shit. I'm a lot cooler now than I was then, I've added a new "friend" who is actaully a band that I've never heard of and probably don't want to hear. they're all wearing different colored ties and posing like a bunch of douches, but the authority on coolness at myspace thought they were "cool" enough to recommend. am I cooler now that they are my friends?... Is it because I havent uploaded a picture of my self looking "cool"? Is it because I only have three "friends" right now?, one of them being Tom and the other two being bands. ...do I apply to be one of those cool people and list credentials of coolness...what is "cool"?, what sort of characterstics constitutes "cool"?... do I need to list "cool" bands in the music section of my interests?...would I be "cool" if I said i liked story of the year, or good charlotte, yellowcard? are they cool? maybe the ashley simpson band? though my "coolest" friends dont think that said bands are "cool", poseurs and mall-emo kids sure seem to think they're a fucking hit! am I not cool because I listen to my friends? ..."cool" relative to who?... people at work say Im one of the coolest motherfuckers that work here, probably because I dress illmatic but still maintain punk cred by looking like I dont give a fuck [did i just say punk cred? so uncool]... or is it cuz I've smoked copious amounts of pot with those work people?... does smoking pot make me cool? i used to smoke cigarettes in high school to be cool... who knows? am I less cool now that I've blogged this blog? what the hell is a blog anyway? does that make me uncool because I dont know what a blog is, that Im not myspace savvy? Dammit, the word "cool" doesn't look or sound like a real word after typing it and saying it in my head so many times. kewl. im such a fucking tool.