08/14/2005: "Exiled"

music: The shadow in the background of the morgue

Where do I begin?

This weekend I moved into a studio apartment in Los Feliz. You see, I had to move because 1) my landlord has decided to convert my former Silverlake house into apartments and 2) I could still feel the ghost of my ex-girlfriend sucking whatever warmth I tried to preserve in the place.

I've been telling everybody that this move was done out of necessity, that this is the survival skills kicking into gear.

Steven helped me move some boxes on Saturday. I hired a guy with a truck to help me with my bed. Tomorrow Jason and I will work on the shelves, desk and computer. Other than that, I did everything myself. All my other friends were either out of town or had to entertain their parents.

Now the bed's set-up. Earlier I walked to Rite-Aid and bought some toiletries. Tried to call a friend, to talk shit out, to no avail. I feel like I'm going to freak out sooner than later. This isn't what I wanted. What started out as "the sweet dream of Los Angeles" (yeah, that's what I called it in my head) quickly blackened into a nightmare. No amount of intellectualizing about the situation can prevent the train wreck ahead.

Alright, I'm going to shut the fuck up before I become a goth and start cutting myself up.