09/20/2005: "At the Foot of the Sky"

music: Armed Forces
mood: Nostalgic . . . .

Little bits.

- - As I was driving home from work earlier this evening I saw the most spectacular lightning display of my life. The lightning literally filled the sky, stretching across my complete eyeline, illuminating the darkness for a moment. Thunder did not follow, though in my head I thought heard the stampede of the four horsemen. A few months ago I had prayed for the apocalypse. Sad thing to realize that none of my wishes ever come true. Don't bother with the birthday candles this year, kids. - -

- - This weekend was spent working, drinking and looking at art. Some of this was done simultaneously. I also had the sad realization that some time ago I made an unconscious choice that I would much rather be cool and smart than rich, thinking that if I succeeded in accomplishing the former two, the latter would follow. I failed at all three. I'm going to spend the next couple of years paying for those mistakes and doing some heavy lifting to get shit going again. - -

- - Last Monday my brother wrote one of the most beautiful emails in response to my blog entry about our family's loss, the passing of our precious girl - snowflake. While the email was actually in response to my inquiry about the new Against Me! album (which is excellent, BTW), it was a surprise that he went out of his way to respond so emotionally to my entry. The lines that killed me were "I talked to [mom] that dreaded morning, she told me how she carried girl outside for the last time, sat in the grass and brushed her thick coat while girl laid there staring at her. I cried on the phone with mom as she told me this." Francis asked me if I had any other pictures of girl and after some digging, I found this one, which was probably taken with a disposable camera. It's funny to see girl standing so still, so peaceful. Notice that my mom is stepping on the leash.



- - Last thing - - In going through the photos I found this one, a favorite, taken circa winter of 1999.



If anybody knows where she is (my guess is Nashua), please let her know I've been asking about her. From what I can remember I enjoyed talking to her. From what I can remember her favorite book was "The Iron Giant." From what I can remember she was nice to me. From what I can remember she reminded me of how young I was. From what I can remember she was in love with Pedro Martinez. From what I can remember she photographed quite well.

Memory gospel. Good night.